STONE-STREWN, steep gray hills studded with bristly shrubs loom to the left of the white road along the Duero River in Soria, an old city in the heart of Spain. Two storks cavort in a stiff wind above as the road winds uphill toward the hermitage of Soria’s patron saint, San Saturio, a sacred site since the sixth century.

 
Soria, Spain If this real scene is also a timeless poetic idyll, it’s because the Duero, as it flows past Soria in Spain’s Castilla y León region, is as much a part of literature as it is of the landscape. The city, the windswept expanse of the surrounding meseta, Spain’s high central plateau, and the nearby mountains were both home and a kind of mythical dreamtime realm for Antonio Machado, one of the great lyric poets of the 20th century.

Soria — “Soria fría, Soria pura” (Cold Soria! Pure Soria), as Machado described it in a poem — is much changed since he departed in 1912 after the death of his child bride, Leonor. Yet, off the international tourist map and largely left behind by Spain’s sprawling development, the city of Soria and the province of the same name, of which it is the capital, retain a powerful sense of place.

Only 147 miles from Madrid, Soria is a world apart. The air is clear and the climate chilly. Its ascetic grandeur — “somber oaks, harsh stony wastelands, bald peaks” and fields “where the rocks seem to dream,” in Machado’s vision — remains. Though he lived in the city only five years, Machado wove the impressions from his walks through the Sorian countryside with the theme of time and the tragic story of Leonor, who died when she had barely reached adulthood, to create poems of elemental vision that capture the soul of Spain.

In the contemporary city of Soria, with a population of about 40,000, I began my search for Machado at the lively Plaza Ramón Benito Aceña, which is ringed by two- and three-story stone buildings that house shops, bars and banks. A sign fashioned from light bulbs suspended above the Calle El Collado, which emerges from the plaza, evokes Machado with a single word: caminante, or wayfarer. “Wayfarer, your footsteps are the road, and nothing more. Wayfarer, there is no road, the road is made by walking,” he wrote in widely anthologized verse.

I wove through the morning bustle to the narrow, cobblestoned Calle Aduana Vieja, where stanzas from Machado’s poems are written on plaques on the walls of two buildings. My destination was the Antonio Machado Institute, the secondary school (then called the General and Technical Institute of Soria) where Machado taught.

He arrived in town by train in 1907, hired to teach French. His classroom in the school, a stone structure that dates from 1585, holds student desks and a bulky wooden instructor’s desk on a raised platform. Ángel Sebastián, the headmaster, told me enthusiastically that Machado’s poems, already published in many European languages, had recently been translated into Chinese.

Machado was at first disenchanted with Soria, then a rough-hewn rural town of 7,000. Born in Seville and raised in Madrid, he had by this time already published a book of poetry. But before long, Soria worked its spell on him.

I found my homeland where the Duero flows

between gray cliffs

and phantoms of old black oaks,

up there in Castile mystic and warlike,

Castile the genteel, humble and brave

Castile of arrogance and power

He took a room near the school and fell in love with Leonor Izquierdo, his landlord’s 13-year-old daughter. They married in 1909, when she was 15 and he was nearly 34. He often accompanied her to Mass at the church of Santo Domingo, which today attracts admirers of Romanesque architecture.

I started downhill to the east of the city on one of Machado’s favorite walks where, he wrote, “the Duero flows limpid, tamely, mute.” At the foot of the hill a small stone bridge crosses the river, and on the other side the aptly named Camino del Monte de las Ánimas (Mount of the Spirits Way) runs parallel to the river for about 100 yards to the monastery of San Juan de Duero.

Once a 12th-century church, San Juan was refashioned into a monastic complex by the Hospitallers, a group founded during the First Crusade. The shell of the cloister, with spans of arches done in different styles and evidence of Islamic influence, is unique in Spain.

A short distance away, a path leads to the small white road to the hermitage of San Saturio, a stone structure built in the 18th century over a grotto where the saint retreated from the world to pray. Plaques outside bear Machado’s likeness and a stanza from “Fields of Soria” that fondly recognizes the local people “of the high Numantian plain.”

 
Soria, Spain I hired a taxi to visit Numantia, a hilltop site with a prehistoric pedigree and some scant, evocative Roman ruins five miles north of Soria near the tiny village of Garray. Archaeologists say that the hill was inhabited as early as the third millennium B.C. Numantia is best known for the heroic defense put up by Celtiberian people against Roman forces. Their efforts were futile: Numantia fell to the Roman general Scipio, the victor of Carthage, in 133 B.C.

Historians cite the rugged terrain, lashed by the north wind. I walked around the only original features to survive, bases of Roman columns.

Machado’s work began to reflect the influence of his trips to the country outside of Soria. Laguna Negra, a lake 30 miles north of the city, is nestled in the Picos de Urbión, a mountain range that is the setting of “The Land of Alvargonzález,” his dark morality tale about three brothers and their father.

He went to the lake in September 1910 with friends to see if he could reach the source of the Duero. They made the trip through extensive pine forests. Today, a provincial road crosses the Revinuesa River, the line of the southernmost advance of glaciers in the last ice age, three and a half miles south of the lake. As we walked past huge boulders to a cold stream descending from jagged peaks, it was easy to see how Machado could set a pared-down patricidal tale on this place “where vultures nest.”

Two castles in the south central part of the province of Soria are illustrative of Machado’s description of Castile in “Alvargonzález” as “parched, fine and warlike.” The ruins of one, a 15th-century structure with 13th-century walls, loom above the town of Berlanga de Duero. I followed Calle Nuestra Señora de las Torres through porch-like galleries to the sleepy main plaza, where the towering castle comes into view.

Gormaz, about six miles away, was once one of the largest castles in Europe. Situated on a hilltop with breathtaking views to the horizon and the Duero on both sides, it was a Muslim fortress that fell to Christians in 1059 and came under the leadership of El Cid. This mighty structure, a symbol of the gore and the glory of Castile, controlled the routes of travel to the north.

In 1910, Machado received a fellowship to study in Paris, where Leonor fell ill, apparently with tuberculosis. They returned to Soria, but she died in 1912; she was just 18. She is buried behind the church of Our Lady of Espino in Soria.

Machado, distraught, sought a transfer from Soria. Machado went on to teach in several cities. He never remarried. John Dos Passos, who knew him years later, described him as “a lonely widower” who “gave the impression of being helpless in life’s contests and struggles.”

Machado’s last book, “Poems of the War,” which included a poem honoring the poet Federico García Lorca after he was murdered by Francisco Franco’s forces, foreshadowed the role the Spanish Civil War was to play in bringing his own life to a dramatic close.

Machado supported the Republican side. Traveling with his mother, in her late 80s, and other family members, he stayed one step ahead of Franco’s troops as they were hounded from Valencia to Barcelona to the French border in 1939. He and his mother were soaked in a rainstorm while traveling by truck on the last leg of the journey and died of a respiratory infection within three days of each other in Collioure, France, now a sister city of Soria.

Soria was still a theme in “Poems of War.” But Machado had perhaps recalled it best in a poem written a few years earlier, in about 1930:

You ask me why my heart flies from the coast

back to Castile, to towering raw terrains,

why, near the sea, in fertile fields, I most

long to be back on the high and barren plains.

The next stanza, beginning with these words, seems to give the answer:

No one chooses his love.

RUGGED HILLS, LYRICAL WORDS

GETTING THERE

Round-trip fares between Kennedy Airport in New York and Madrid on Iberia and other carriers start at around $700 for travel in September.

The round-trip rail fare between Madrid and Soria on Renfe, the Spanish national railway, is 27.70 euros, or about $42 at $1.53 to the euro. More rail information can be found at (34-902) 15-75-07, or www.renfe.es.

WHERE TO STAY

Parador Soria - Hotel Antonio Machado (Parque del Castillo; 34-975-24-08-00; www.paradores-spain.com/spain/psoria.html), is on a hilltop, and some of its rooms and the restaurant have commanding views of the Duero Valley and mountains to the north and east. Rates for a standard double room in the high season start at 110 euros, or about $170; breakfast is 16 euros.

Hosteria Solar de Tejada (Claustrilla, 1, at the corner of El Collado; 34-975-23-00-54; www.hosteriasolardetejada.com), has 18 charming rooms in a central location just off the lively Plaza Ramón Benito Aceña. A double is 56 euros.

WHERE TO EAT

Meson Castellano (Plaza Mayor 2, across from the Ayuntamiento, or town hall; 34-975-21-30-45), serves rural specialties like cured hard pork sausage (eaten con la mano, or by hand, the waiter advised). It was 17 euros. A popular fish entree, boiled or grilled hake, was 21.50 euros. For dessert, boiled pears with red wine was 4 euros.

At the Palafox (Calle Vicente Tutor 2; 34-975-22-00-76), walk past the bar patrons with eyes glued to the inevitable soccer match on TV to the wainscoted yellow dining room in back. A three-course menu of the day might consist of a Spanish fish soup, grilled lamb and a choice of flan or fruit, for 9.50 euros.

Collado 58 (El Collado 58; 34-975-24-00-53), is a conveniently located place for light dining, coffee and drinks. The Collado Special — chicken breast, York ham, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes — is 5.90 euros. The restaurant also serves breakfast; orange juice, toast and coffee are 2.45 euros.

WHAT TO READ

The introduction to “Border of a Dream: Selected Poems of Antonio Machado,” translated by Willis Barnstone, (Copper Canyon Press, 2004; $17), has been called the best short guide to Machado in English. The book is a comprehensive collection of the poet’s work.

 

AS the first rays of the sun pierce the thick darkness of the Namibian desert, sinuous ridges of quartz sand ignite in a firestorm of seared orange. Then the sky lightens to the new day, revealing the sea of sand mountains, their crisp edges and perfect curves wrought and polished by the expert chisel of the Kalahari and Atlantic winds.

With the tracks of yesterday’s visitors to the Sossusvlei dunes burnished by the breeze, you can’t resist trudging — perhaps plodding or crawling — up at least one of the pristine hills, some towering to 1,000 feet, instinctively looking for shimmers of water. But from the top, there’s no sign of the sea; it retreated millions of years ago, back when continents were drifting wildly.

 

What’s left is a dazzling geological display of possibly the world’s highest sand dunes, extending for 400 miles along the coast and more than 80 miles inland. Those naïve enough to believe that a dune is a dune is a dune are faced with a dizzying array of sand configurations: parabolic dunes with dynamic slip faces, long and narrow transverse dunes, dunes petrified by ancient climate change, and star dunes formed by winds that buffet them from all sides.

It’s the sort of environment that evokes foreboding, although the greatest danger is probably a broken fan belt or a serious case of hysteria induced by the appearance of an enormous dancing spider. But for miles around — 13,000 square miles, roughly the size of Maryland — there is no radio signal to relieve the silence, no town to break up an empty plain with a horizon so horizontal that it fades into a mirage. Only the skittering of the occasional hardy gecko suggests that you’re not the last vestige of life on a seared and waterless planet.

 

Such a forbidding panorama hardly seems the stuff of a compelling journey. But Namibia, a country of stark beauty and riveting contradictions, should be at the top of any serious traveler’s want-to-visit list.

 

The landscape is otherworldly, from the ocean of blood red crests along Dune Alley at Sossusvlei (pronounced SOSS-oo-vlay) to the gravity-defying rock formations and petrified forest of Damaraland, in the country’s center. Even beside the main highway, there are enough elephants, giraffes and springbok to satisfy those who can’t imagine a southern African trip without big game.

 

And the mind-boggling juxtaposition of women draped in skins that covered animals a week earlier against shopping malls offering a full selection of Ray-Bans, or of face powder ground in a mortar and pestle cheek by jowl with shiny Hummers, leads you into the heart of a modern Africa tangled by time, defined by the collision of centuries and traditions.

 

Namibia isn’t easy, especially for travelers whose notion of a vacation is dashing from one sight to another, or for urbanites who need regular fixes of bright lights and noisy streets. Except for those with pockets deep enough to arrange chartered flights between the dunes and the Damara homesteads, it demands patience with corrugated gravel roads and mile after mile of what poets are fond of calling terrible beauty.

 

“LOOK, a different kind of nothingness!” exclaimed my husband, Dennis, his New York candor more prosaic than poetic, as we drove around Namibia last January. The austere landscape had shifted from barren scrubland to enormous jumbles of rocks that looked as if God had forgotten to straighten them up.

 

Yet there is something beguiling about the bleakness of this place that you miss if you bop across the country by air, from warthog to lion, from sand spout to watering hole. Namibia is as much about the environmental and human interstices between sites as about the sites themselves.

 

By far the most mesmerizing of those sites is in the northwest corner of the country, in Kunene. This is not tourist Africa, which is fast becoming one gigantic game park, or the show Africa of tribesmen and women who dress up like their grandparents for visitors but go home and don jeans before heading out to the local disco. This is dusty, chaotic Africa, where donkey carts are more common conveyances than buses, where animals are killed for clothing as well as for food, and where words like globalization and the Internet have not yet entered the popular vocabulary.

 

All the paradoxes of modern Africa seem to be concentrated in that remote corner of Namibia, and they are at their most glaring inside the OK Grocer, on the edge of the dusty town of Opuwo, just 100 miles south of the Angolan border. There on a morning in late January, two Himba women, their breasts bared, their waists draped with multilayered goatskin miniskirts, ogled the rich German-style cream cakes on display. The glass of the showcase was already streaked with red from the mixture of fat, ash and ochre-colored mud with which Himba woman coat their bodies and hair, their homemade version of Clarins Hydra-Wear.

 

In the adjacent aisle, a stout Herero matron examined the meager selection of vegetables. Decked out in her traditional garb — a long-sleeved and long-skirted dress that could have been a costume for a Victorian period drama if not for the hat, an oversized, cloth-covered pan with what appeared to be a baguette sitting on top — she culled disapprovingly through a bin of potatoes and harrumphed before she hiked up her prodigious skirts and walked out.

 

At the checkout counter, a Timba teenager waiting for the clerk to ring up a pile of cooking oil, salt and beans sported the beads and brassiere that distinguish her from her Himba cousins, although one of her breasts was hanging out, whether as a fashion statement or because she’d gotten up late, it was unclear. Behind her, a young white woman flicked her ponytail impatiently; all she was buying was a single jar of cocktail olives.

Outside, two bull-necked Afrikaners sipped tea in the garden of the adjacent coffee shop, and a Himba man in a Cal State T-shirt and a two-panel skirt — short and gathered in the front, long and straight in back — distractedly herded goats down the main street while chatting on his cellphone.

 

I seemed to be the only person in town who found the scene noteworthy.

On a continent where centuries of European encroachments have inexorably eroded tradition, Africans who cling to outward manifestations of their culture are the rarest of sights. And there’s perhaps nowhere in the region where outsiders can mingle with them more easily, more casually, than in Opuwo.

But Namibia is nothing if not unpredictable, and just a day’s drive from the OK Grocer, you can find yourself among meticulously coiffed Germans shopping for springbok-skin photo albums, handcrafted silver jewelry encrusted with malachite or mandarin garnet, and elephant-hide belts in the elegant boutiques of Swakopmund, a surreal seaside town that feels like a cross between Brighton-by-the-Sea and Bavaria.

 

For decades until 1914, Namibia was a German colony, South West Africa, and even 94 years after Germany lost it as the spoils of defeat in World War I, the Teutonic imprint on Swakop, as locals call the city, remains unmistakable. The standard plats du jour are schnitzel and bratwurst; the architecture of the old prison, the train station, the jail and dozens of other structures is late 19th-century Munich; and the streets are so tidy that Kaiser Wilhelm, for whom the main avenue was named until the government changed it six years ago, would be proud.

 

The only clear sign that the town is actually in Africa is the throng of black workers who pick up the trash before it can hit the ground. Blond children scoot around on bicycles, elderly German couples take their evening constitutionals along the waterfront and teenagers who look surprisingly like California surfer dudes guide tourists through an utterly un-African extreme sports scene: sand boarding, sand sledding, sand skiing and sand sailing — none of which includes a dune lift, so all of which demand repeated uphill slogs through the sand and the inhalation of lungfuls of Namibian dust.

 

With its traffic lights, pubs and trendy restaurants, Swakop provides a delightful respite from the grinding isolation that is most of the country. But the illusion of Europe embedded deep in the heart of Africa vanishes barely a mile from the center of town.

Minutes beyond the city limits, it’s hard to recall that chimera at all. The scene becomes a panorama of desolation, of rocks and scrubby trees, lava fields and herds of goats. The occasional Damara and Herero homesteads bear no trace of the Germanic penchant for order; they are tiny mean huts cobbled together from sheet metal, elephant dung, car doors, truck canopies, straw and whatever else is at hand.

 

This is a wild land of enormous skies, nomadic herders and vast farms with the thinnest possible veneer of modernity. For decades, the Skeleton Coast, north of Swakopmund, buffeted by impenetrable fog, perilous cross currents and treacherous reefs, has been a graveyard for ships, and Kaokoland, the ruggedly inaccessible northern mountains shrouded by the mists of the Atlantic, wasn’t fully explored until the second half of the 20th century.

Where Namibia meets both Angola and the sea, hunters and gatherers still wander remote mountains. In a country twice the size of California but with just two million inhabitants, the major cities, Swakopmund and Windhoek, the capital, feel like prefabricated alien entities plopped down without any local roots.

EXPLORING the back roads on our own in a rented 4 x 4 truck, we found ourselves drag racing with ostriches — and discovering that despite their awkward gait, they usually win. And we wound up eating lunch at the old German fort at Sesfontein that looks so much like part of a movie set for a film like “Beau Geste” that I couldn’t help but wonder whether Gary Cooper, Ray Milland and their pals from the French Foreign Legion were about to ride up on their camels.

In Damaraland, we wended our way around the Brandberg, Namibia’s highest mountain (8,440 feet), and lingered at the gallery of 6,000-year-old San petroglyphs at Twyfelfontein. If you’re as lucky as we were, a desert-adapted elephant will saunter by before you check in at a luxurious lodge where the wine is always at a perfect temperature, and a much-needed massage may be available.

Namibia might have a lot of nothingness, but that nothingness can be viewed with sundowners from the verandas of any of dozens of high-end lodges and tented camps or at one of the plethora of guest farms that provide a glimpse into what feels like the last redoubt of white colonial Africa.

While the game-viewing at Etosha National Park and along the Botswanan border is among the best in southern Africa, Namibia is one of the few countries where visitors are likely to see serious game outside of a park. So you don’t merely check off animals or the sights marked in guidebooks as “highlights.”

You can be waylaid by the unexpected baboon sitting atop a fence post by the side of the road, by the odd shovel-mouthed lizard, or by the huge haystacklike homes of sociable weaver birds. After a week, it felt ordinary to spot an elephant tusk as we drove down the road or to glimpse a giraffe chomping on a tree when we pulled over for a sandwich or ran into town for milk.

But when I dream of Namibia, it is not of the Big Five, or the little antelopes and warthogs, but of the OK Grocer. As I wandered out of it on my first day in Opuwo, my mouth still agape from the richness of clanging cultures, a Himba woman approached me, covetously eyeing the sleeveless short dress I’d bought at Banana Republic and offering to sell me bits and pieces of her own outfit — a necklace or two, a beaded ankle bracelet, a woven container of the ochre mixture she smothers on her hair.

I was more covetous than she was. I would get an original; she would wind up with off the rack. But even as I purchased a fabulous ankle bracelet made of metal beads wrought from melted wire, I flashed back to the women inside the supermarket and their obvious hunger for the most untraditional of cream cakes, at least in Himba terms, and couldn’t help but wonder how soon the woman in front of me would trade in her goatskins for clothes like mine.

 

 

 

我一直不反感cnn，或是过于在意cnn对中国的恶劣影响之类。一是它报道风格是引用数据，事实和别人评论，自己虽然要符合美国大舆论环境，引用有些倾向性但相对是客观的，二是他是有线新闻网，给有cable的人看的，在美国影响要小；三是08年cnn主播politics，大选压倒一切，而关注cnn的美国人是冲着大选去的。但凡大选有点波澜，就盖过其他一切新闻。国内的没权看cnn的人抵制，美国看不起cnn的也抵制。都没什么必要。Jack Cafferty 现在又出来说大选了，还是那副表情。大家不要激动。

NEW YORK TIME才让我觉得可怕。 首先它是美国影响力最大的媒体，二是它经常 sting中国，并且right and sore.不像cnn主要罗列事实，它罗列事实且有很多自己评论.有时很佩服他们看中国问题的深度，有时觉得他们看问题客观得有些冷酷。谈国人挺奥，他们谈到了从20岁人和40岁人的态度转变，以及为什么40岁才是antigoverment的主力。最近quake，看了几段评论，很特别，一是描述PM wen去汶川视察时，用duck这个有点贬抑的动词，而cnn用的是中性的hunker；二是在外媒齐声称赞这次政府处理危机的态度时，他们认为是中国政府从火炬传递的教训中学了一课，而且又用了一句“a brief flirtation with openness and responsiveness does not mean that China is headed toward Western-style democracy“.感觉无法反驳，说得严丝合缝。三是谈到这次学生伤亡时，mention独生子女政策。直白冷酷。而且在morgue采访学生父母，写道他们对政府的对营救孩子的不满。很少见这样的报道。也有些naive的分析，不过可能也是故意的。他们认为中国拒绝一些国家aid的原因是震区附近有大量的军事设施和nuclear desing program。不光是对中国，它现在对myanmar的最大关注是cyclone对农产品的影响,很cruel。驳倒cnn容易，反驳new york time就难了。以后多关注。

 

 

上周四上午考完最后一门，以为考完以后会有莫大的幸福等着我。结果就像过去的18年里考试一样，考完了就那么回事，接着等着下次考试。

数理统计的老师不厚道，把去年take home的考试放到课上考，题目数量和难度一点没变，是我考过所有exam里最让我花时间和精力的。不过我一直猜有些老师根本不怎么判final的试卷，反正学生又不去要，索性根据期中考试的成绩随机分配些AB，来得省事些。不过这门课是我花时间最少的，期中完了之后就没怎么看书，考前几乎没复习。其实我是很想看书，不过三天连考4门，第五门时实在有破罐破摔的感觉。

人大都是平衡的。短期的或是长期的，每个人的mean可能都是趋于一致。在这方面多得些，那方面就少些。关键在于取舍。少时enjoy的时光太多往往就是长大后的痛苦，少时拼命的时光太多可能造成以后人格的不健全。大多数很有钱的人是依靠运气，不过富不过三代的古训告诉我们从长期看财富还是平衡了过来。所以我在年初的时候想，2月中旬的大规模期中考试和phd面试是不能兼得的，而期中考试的成绩是可以舍弃的。所以我发现7门考试里我有5门是班里最高的之后就意识到，我的phd申请要被平衡了。

自己是不是个loser呢。我越来越发现这个问题其实只能自己回答。有个事情值得一提，突然发现自己考了18年试，而且基本上未来两年也是在考试。20年，对考试执迷不悟，痛苦和快乐，荣耀和羞辱都寄与此，比古人有过之而不及，中国人以此方式默默的继承了千年的科举传统。如果书写我生命前20多年的历史，基本就可以概括成考试这两个字。值得麻痹自己的是很多的同龄中国人的历史也不过如此。很多浅薄的人喜欢引用黑格尔的“存在既是合理的”，据说当时的政权很喜欢黑格尔的这个观点，不过歌德知道这句话时觉得黑格尔很大胆，因为他知道，存在不等于现存的，这句话其实很反动。

火炬传递的事我是按乃不住要发表一些观点的。只引用一篇滥文来表达我的批判之情。

 

        一九八七年六月十三日，吸引成千上万中国人的黄河漂流探险传来凶讯。洛阳和北京两支黄漂队都在落加峡下峡翻船遇难。曾经漂过长江虎跳峡的两位勇士郎宝珞，雷建生也被黄河激流吞没。国内一时议论纷纷。
　　据报导，这些青年漂流者是因为决不让美国人肯沃伦拿走中国江河的首漂权才铤而走险的。肯沃伦对此十分不解。他说，你们中国人如果到美国出漂流密西西比河，是不会遭到反对的。当然，沃伦先生永远无法把眼下的漂流，同一倌昵拔鞣列强的炮舰在中国江河里横行的历史联系起来。可中国的青年忘不了。
　　事情不仅仅表现在江河漂流上。你看在这些体育竞技场上，中国人是多么狂热呵。
　　当五星红旗升起的时候，大伙都跳，都哭。
　　如果输了呢？大伙就骂，就砸，就闹事。
　　一个在心理上再也输不起的民族。
        在这些现象背后隐藏著的，是一个民族的心灵在痛苦。它的全部痛苦就在于：文明衰落了。
　　本世纪初，有个叫陈天华的中国青年，面对当时正处于黑暗中的祖国，在日本蹈海自杀。那时，有几个中国人能够理解他呢？
　　今天，我们回想起这个陈天华，仿佛可以推测他那深刻的绝望，也许正是对文明衰落的一声微弱的叹息……
　　在当今的世界上，面对著西方工业文明的挑战和全球文化汇流的大趋势，每一个拥有古老文明的民族，都面临著现实与传统的严重危机。传统越古老，危机越沉重，危机越沉重，寻根越热烈。　　    有人说，在中国文化中有某种宽容恶势力的成份；也有人说中国民族性格中，有圆滑世故，听天由命，逆来顺受的致命弱点；那么，这决不是偶然的。对于一个历史悠久的农业大国来说，农业的命脉正在于水。水却被龙王主宰著。于是，这个民族爱它也恨它，赞美它也诅咒它。这是一种多么复杂的感情，就像龙的形像一样复杂。
　　于是，中国人也变得复杂起来。一方面，他们把龙王老子供奉得使它无可挑剔，把它奉上权力的巅峰；另一方面他们又要在丰收锣鼓敲响的时候，著实地放老东西一番，出出一年磕头烧香，诚惶诚恐的恶气(舞龙的场面)。这真是一种绝妙的中国式智慧和幽默。在敬畏和戏弄之间，人们获得了微妙的心理平衡。
　　正像修筑金字塔使埃及人创立了国家一样，同黄河的搏斗，也使中国凝聚起来。我们的文明史就从大禹开始。几千年来，对水的渴求，竟成为中华民族的一种生存伟力。这种神秘的命运至今还徘徊在乾旱的北中国。
　　实际上，无论是埃及的金字塔，中国的大运河和长城，还是南美洲丛林中的玛雅人金字塔，这些让现代人叹为观止的古代浩大工程，不都显现著非常相似的“亚细亚式”的历史阴影吗？不都是古代大帝国的遗物吗？成千上万微不足道的个体，被某种秩序排列组合在一起，拥载著那至高无上的顶峰，这种大一统的社会结构，不是很像一座庞大的金字塔吗？因此，民主，自由，平等这些东西，就很难成为“亚细亚”的了。
　　亚细亚，是一句古闪米特语，意思是“太阳升起的地方”。在地球北温带欧亚非三大洲的接壤处，从冰山雪峰中淌出来的几条大河，分别孕育了人类最古老的几个文明。
　　无论是黄河，尼罗河，还是底格里斯河，幼发拉底河以及印度河，这几条著名的东方江河，都成为人类文明的摇篮。因此，亚细亚是创始的地方。文明的曙光从亚细亚升起，就像太阳从东方升起一样。
　　但是，五千年过去了，亚细亚的太阳殒落了。这几个最先闪光的古老文明，也或早或迟一个个黯淡下去了。
　　这是为什么呢？
　　曾经屹立在两河流域的巴比伦古城，早已荡然无存。在八千年前的苏美尔文明之后，美索不达米亚平原始终浸泡在无穷无尽的征服之中，一个又一个大帝国倾覆了，许多古老的民族相继从历史上消失了。到公元前三百多年时，亚历山大帝，已经在焚毁波斯王的壮丽宫殿了。尼罗河畔的大金字塔，也像隐退到历史中去的一个迷梦，永远浑浑沌沌。忧伤的司芬克斯蹲在这里，仿佛甚么也不想解释。古埃及帝国，在长达数千年的三十个王朝中，也曾经强盛得犹如这金字塔一样无以伦比。但是，早在亚历山大到来之前，它就沦于波斯人之手。在后来的数千年里，它那被征服的厄运直到近代才结束。
　　在更靠东方也更加肥沃富饶的印度河，恒河流域，一种与西方完全隔绝的古老文明，在亚历山大远征来到之前，已经延续了几千年。有人曾经说过，写印度的历史，一直写到距今四百年前可以不提到一个海字。然而，当欧洲的海盗出现在印度洋的时候，这个文明就在劫难逃了。在喜马拉雅山背后的这个黄种人的文明，却异乎寻常地延年益寿。这几乎是一个例外。为什么封建社会形态在中国长期延续这个问题，已经争论了多少年，人们~提出种种解释，总认为这是一个特殊现象。
　　其实，真正特殊的并不是东方的古老现象，而是欧洲出现了突变现象。美国哈佛大学的华裔学者张光直教授认为，两河流域的苏美尔文明，由于自身具有重视经济，贸易和技术等等因素，最后走向了现代西方工业文明。它在整个人类文明史上，原来并不是一条常规性的历史走廊。
　　在人类从野蛮走向文明的过程中，具有世界普遍性的常规通道，实际上是东方式的亚细亚形态。张光直教授研究了中国文明同中美洲玛雅文明的相似性，认为它们是同一祖先的後代在不同时代，不同地点的产物。他认为，亚洲，非洲和美洲的古老文明都具有类似的普遍性。因此，并不是中国文明多么特殊和奇怪。它的漫长，恰恰是整个古老世界的最后挣扎。亚细亚遇到的挑战，是欧洲对全人类的挑战。
　　也正因为如此，文明的古老反而让中国人心理上的传统负担格外沉重。当黄河文明也像埃及和印度一样，终于衰落下来的时候，中华民族的心灵就特别悲凉和痛苦。
　　在我们的民族感情上，总有这样一个误区：似乎近百年的耻辱，只是一种光荣历史的断裂。自从一八四零年以来，总有人用古代的荣耀和伟大，来掩饰近代的贫穷和落后。
　　在近百年的现实痛苦中，好像总需要有一副古老而悠久的安魂剂聊以自慰。从每一次震惊世界的考古发现中，似乎从能获得一次安慰。
　　然而，文明毕竟衰落了。
　　历史的富足，文明的悠久，毕竟都是昨天的故事。
　　我们的考古发现再丰富，文物古迹再精美，文明的源头再延伸，难道不都意味著祖先对于後代的嘲笑吗？难道不是让我们今天的遗憾，懊悔和惭愧更沉重吗？
　　据说，有一位汽车制造厂的厂长，那天站在天安门城楼上一辆一辆地数长安街上的车流。当他数到第一百辆时，只数到三辆国产车，其余九十七辆都是进口的。
　　这件事，使人可以联想起一八四零年林则徐在虎门焚烧鸦片的浓烟，也可以联想起三十年代抵制日货的风潮。
　　然而，历史和现实就是这样不客气地嘲笑我们。
　　龙的崇拜，似乎可以证明，我们民族的心灵，还深深地眷恋著黄河孕育的那种古老文化的氛围，还迟迟地停留在祖先的历史阴影之中。这颗心灵如同活在梦里。今天，确实是到了彻底唤醒它的时候了。
　　我们也许不必计较人家要来漂我们的黄河。江河漂流无非是一项体育运动，用玩儿命的办法去同人家赌这口气，似乎也不是有力量的表现。有朝一日，我们终于能够找回体育运动的本来意义，该去漂漂他们的密西西比河，那将是一种潇洒的娱乐。
　　我们也不必为输一场球，丢几个冠军而捶胸顿足。奥运会的金牌并不等于证明我们是强国。我们的千年帝国之梦，早在康熙大帝那会儿就做完了。如今最要紧的是，再也不要自己骗自己了。
　　文明衰落了，我们也不必哀伤。世界上曾经有过的大河流域文明，无一例外都衰落了。英国历史学家汤因比计算过，人类历史上一共出现过二十一种文明，其中十四个已经绝迹，六个正在衰朽，只有古希腊文明转化成了工业文明，浪潮席卷全世界。我们应该勇敢地正视历史。几千年来，黄河文明受到多少次伴随著征服的外来冲击，但它始终没有殒落。我们曾经很欣赏这种强大的文明同化力量。但是，在二十世纪末的今天，尽管外来冲击不曾伴随著大炮和铁蹄，我们的古老文明却再也低档不住了。
　　它已经衰老了。
　　它需要补充新的文明因子。

Gatech的econ master program似乎有这个传统，每届总会有这么一两个学生要申金融的phd，而且竟然不全是中国人。

 

从我所知道的看，最早的，也是目前最牛的，要算是一个叫mike（音似）的法国人。他在tech拿了一个mechanic博士和硕士，一个econ和一个qcf的master后去了wharton读金融。据说他是qcf第一个拿4.0的人，据说别人对他的评价是he knows everything，据说他从法国来美国，拿完四个graduate学位后仍然很年轻。不过我唯一能确定的是他是个天才，而天才的故事总是容易成为legend。Mike之前有个很牛的中国师兄，在国内一个很不错的学校读完硕后来tech，在tech期间跟这边教授合发了文章，gmat考的也很好。他像mike一样申请了top20的学校，可惜都没有中，读了另外一个专业，现在也要毕业了。再后来，有一个叫atay的土耳其人。虽然只拿了econ的一个master，但4.0也是不错的，去了U of  FLORIDA。后来就是我的上一届了，我的两个室友一个去了Zurich一个去了Madison，即使是最dumb的一个也去了UT DALLAS。

 

传统总是需要被继承，而我就上阵了。现在想想，申请phd是很冒险的。显然我还没有那么dedicated to academia，5年时间也很daunting，一遍又一遍被印实的phd悲惨生活我也无法幸免。不过读phd也是有好处的，被人叫doctor是个很爽的事，而且自己学的这么多喜欢的东西到了industry都会被荒废，加上经济形势又这么差，所以读博也是不错的。人有的时候不是被没有出路而困扰，往往是选择太多而不知道自己的方向。瞻前顾后，优柔寡断，不懂取舍的人一般都不会太快乐。废话到此，谈点实际的吧。都是我自己的感受，也许没什么代表性，只是希望对中国人有点参考价值。

 

1 如果你是女生，那你会赢在起跑线上。如果两个人情况差不多，多半director会偏爱女生，甚至那个女生在某些方面输于对方。这是我的感觉，而且感觉是个事实不是个argument。原因不大清楚，我猜大概中国男生在北美的形象不大好。很多理科monster们给美国人留下的印象可能是不爱干净，头发长而乱（有些韩国人的头发也很长，但显然不是因为要省haircut的钱），不爱社交也不懂得社交礼仪，还有就是口语垃圾。相反，对女生的印象要好得多。从申请角度看，背景强的女生少，而男生类似背景的却很多。另外，美国对minority是有照顾的，女生算，亚裔女生就更算了。

2 申请结果的可比性很低。两个背景相似的人可能申请得到完全不同的结果，不同年更是如此。这发生得太普遍了。原因大概是金融申请的偶然性很大，而你又不是stunning的那种applicant，从上百号人里挑两三个总是会有些误差的，一个program让不同的教授当director，偏好不同，挑出来的人可能完全不同。所以，金融申请很少有guarantee，也难说有保底。申个15所或是更多是应该的。

3 如果能申到top10学校的econ，其实跟finance也差不多，甚至比一般学校的finance还好。不过econ容易踢人，能坚持到最后也是不容易。好的econ的phd照样能到top的商学院做faculty，而且econ是美国人心中更严谨的科学，比finance在学术界的地位高。

4 名校的master对finance很管用。最好是北方的名校，最好是个applied math之类。econ也可以，stat也可以。多几个master不会有坏处。而且，现在越来越多的博士开始转申金融作为第二个博士。中国人为主。loser啊。

5 90%以上的申请者其实背景都差不多，比较平平，所以gmat还是很重要的。能让你standing out的东西不是很多，如果能考到750以上会有好处。如果是750到700之间只能算是个及格，继续平平了。有些学校明显偏好高分gmat，所以申这些学校更要注意。

  

选校：

选校就是看学生的profile，虽然不能反应全部但基本可以给自己定位。faculty也要看，不过不是看人家的研究方向和research做的如何，毕

竟是人家挑你而不是你选择他们。具体看什么后面说。

第一档次：

NYU：很少见到中国人了。这其实是个很大的问题。NYU的finance在中国人心目中的位置可能是最高的，所以最优秀的中国人都会申。而NYU自己有finance的master，中国人从里面申phd的人也不少。可最后进到phd里面的人挺少。他们到底要的是什么样的人呢？

 

Columbia U:里面有些中国人，有时感觉挺奇怪的，最后招的中国人感觉不是特别强，而感觉特别强的却被拒绝了。申请是不能predicting的。

 

Wharton：里面学生背景确实比较强，不过中国人的水平似乎一般.感觉不是最强的中国人。今年和去年都招了个中国女生，不过背景都不是很强，同样的背景放在男生身上也就申个二流学校。有个中国男生，在非清华北大的一个不错学校读的本科，在madison读了个econ和stat的master。不过madison的econ和stat在北美都很有名，不是gatech可以比的。

 

U Chicago: 所有top学校的或是比较好的学校一个最重要的申请来源就是本校转系生，特别是中国人居多。物理，数学，甚至是生物，化学，或是MBA，MFE之类，这些学生有着外校生无法比拟的优势。Chicago好像有不少这样的学生。

 

MIT，Yale，Northwestern:另外一个对于top学校的感觉，就是他们偏爱ivy的优秀本科生，甚至是prefer。我感觉这是对的，真正gifted的人

是不需要一堆master学位polish自己的，四年的时间足够展示他们的才华。

Northwestern是我，zz和jackpan都申而都折的学校，里面隐约记得有个在清华完成本硕的男生，其他中国人不知道了，不多。

 

Harvard: econ在美国心中是真正的science，比finance在academia中有地位的多。炸药奖也只有econ的没有finance或其他管理科学。连CAPM

的发明者都是econ的phd。Harvard的econ算是世界top3之内，它的business econ确实牛到一般人去不了。要运气好＋super gifted。

 

Standford：加州的学校，好像加拿大的学校。中国移民多，移民后代多。中国人多的地方竞争会异常激烈，学校本身的水平也会因此提高。而且它自身就是理工科极强，而且又有MFE之类的program，它finance的申请自然远远的在我能力之外。

 

Duke：duke也很牛，但感觉比上面的几个学校底气稍显不足。南方是个极大的劣势。西部和东北部才是美国经济政治文化的中心地带，也是大量资金游走的地方。duke离那些地方太远了。里面的学生比较杂，国际学生多，转行的中国人多。似乎这是他的偏好，喜欢物理数学背景的人。招不到最优秀的美国本土学生，其实这是他很sad的一件事。不过里面的国际学生却是是比较优秀的。前几年招了个中科大学数学后来在wharton读统计的，今年收了个在清华读数学在UMN读统计的中国人。看来这么多年duke的偏好还没变。到是它自己的master们从来不要。

 

UCLA,UCB,CMU:很少见到中国人，虽然他们所处的地方和他们的其他专业中国人很多。记得UCLA前些年招了些转行的中国人，后来很少了，再后来要了个奥赛金牌的中国人，再后来就是美国本科生了。UCB和CMU的情况也差不多。

 

第二档次：

U Mich,USC,INDIANA,UT-AUSTIN:这四个学校放在一起写，就是因为他们都是不能免托福的四个恶心学校。由于几乎所有在美国拿了个学位的中国人托福都过期，所以在美国有学位的中国人申的不多。如果能为他们再考个托福，那么申申还是很有希望的。UTA据说今年发了8个offer，然后踢人。哎，finance感觉有点econ化了。

 

Rochester:program从暑假开始，这是我不能忍受的。另外，这个学校感觉走下坡路，以前很牛，但现在留不住人。据说今年发了15个offer，估计来8个，然后以后再踢人。econ可以这样，但finance这样就太猥琐了。

 

Cornell:mini的program，跟wharton一年能招8个相比显得更加难以进入。这时候看faculty就能预测他们的招生偏好。他们有个北大转行的教

授，好像也是director。去年他们招了个北大学数学的，今年也是个学理工出身的。其他背景的人看来很难进去了。

 

UIUC：finance program同样有向econ靠拢的局面。据说一下去年发了8个offer。因此finance phd的待遇下降了。作为个二流牛校，8个学生超过它的capacity的，毕业学生质量自然会下降。第二档次的学校面临的最大问题就是盛名之下其实难副。好的教授往第一档次学校流失，而产生的毕业生只能流向100名开外的学校。大家慕名申请，不过进去之后也就这么回事了。问题是申请人太多，往往不比第一档次学校竞争激烈程度差多少。UIUC据了我，要了个不知名的中国女生，好像对理工科的有偏好。据了zz，wl了jackpan

 

OSU：ohio的小哈佛。今年据了我。不过去年要的个中国人背景很一般，所以finance 的phd是不能比较结果的。又，据传今年华尔街调整，几个公司的中层高管转来读finance phd，其中就有来osu的，所以有人说它今年是内定的。申了比较倒霉。

 

Maryland:里面的中国人很强，它最近placement很好，中国人去的地方都很好。据了我。也不是很奇怪。里面的中国人除了两个北大清华的外，就是两个在maryland读了个理科博士的。今年又要了个purdue拿ee博士的中国人。很多二流牛校开始偏好理科博士了。其实也就是对中国人这样。中国人傻比，就tmd知道累计学位。以前一个硕士就挺有竞争力，现在非要先搞个理科博士。互相挤兑对方，最后谁都不是赢家。当然，我的看法也许很偏激。

 

UNC：感觉很衰的一个学校，placement还行。但据说教授内斗。而且申请起来比较个别，不舒服。

 

第二档第三档之间：

EMORY&Vanderbilt:南方的学校，怎么都不会太牛。finance新开的，不过教授都比较productive。但还是不喜欢南方的学校，我又不是学农业的。Emory据了zz和我，waiting listed了jackpan。看来它还是喜欢理工科背景的，跟它现在中国学生profile差不多。emory是专做assest pricing，发展很快，每年top4的金融journal能发10篇左右，很牛。我本科背景显然不符合他们的胃口。

Vanderbilt被zz伤害过之后估计几年之内都不会要tech的人了，今年自然的据了我。虽然econ和stat背景的人是它最爱的。它不要申请费，申申玩玩儿。作为私立学校, emory&vander最大的便利就是钱多，可以随便挖人挖学生，所以发展快。公立的学校就是干不过私立。

 

U Florida：很不错，虽然很南。在南方呆，要么就呆在最适合养老居住的地方，要么就去北方。program不是很push，去四处玩很方便，

placement也说的过去。可惜去年招多了，今年不怎么招人，而且也被zz伤过。

 

Boston College: 里面中国学生水平看上去挺一般，跟它对自己地位的认识不相符。申请费挺贵，申的人也挺多，把我算是据了，但参加面试的两个中国人水平跟我差不多，不过都是boston当地的学校的。还我申请费！如果能还我钱的话我还是把它放进第二档里。据内部人讲，bc内部也不是很团结，而且学校太小，影响placement。其实academia内的钩心斗角跟外面的一样，每个学校都会有，就看程度了。它会请人visit campus，所以要boston附近学校的中国人也合情合理。申请者的背景差不多，何必不选个近点的

 

WUSTL：两年前申它master的时候被据了，所以这次再申，希望能把它据了。中国学生水平不错，综合排名很高，地方也不错，上升势头很快。私立学校就是有这个便利，想发展哪个学科，哪个学科就能发展起来。很看好。

 

MADISON:，地理位置的槽糕直接遏制了这个牛校的发展，同样遏制的还有它的公立性质。Madison有个不错的director，算是新起来的一个大牛。她想办好这个program，商院新得不少funding，所以phd给的钱多，但workload高，qualify很吓人，又据说director可能被有钱校挖走。它喜欢econ和stat背景的人，今年offer了至少两个中国人，背景跟我差不多。不过申请它有很大不可预测性，有些被它据的人去了更好的学校。我没申，一是去年要了zz，二是qualify太吓人。它好像对清华北大没有偏好。最近的placment不是很好，据说在改进。

 

UMN：在美国最冷的大城市。当年据了zz，今年发给我offer，可能跟他们有个南开的学生有关；今年拿madison offer的女生最后也去了UMN。今年他们前后给了至少六个中国人，不过有其中一个去了duke，一个去UTA/UIUC，一个去UTA, 申请还是很激烈，我申到都是运气。后来，看到他们学校中国学生会的介绍才知道，UMN是北美华人学生学者最多的学校，而且，学校介绍上直接写着“与天津南开大学是姐妹学校”，看来我真是沾了这个光。2月20号面完我之后就发了offer，不过director竟然一直没理我，两个星期后正式email才发。UMN今年的placement挺牛，像个准一流牛校了。不过placement看个人，跨年没有什么可比性。

 

PSU：里面有些中国教授，有些北大学生，很不错的学校，位置一般，但毕竟还是在东北。最近有个place到Columbia的，其他的也说的过去。当时面完之后感觉希望很大。不过那个教授回来发信说有25个人，她不能保证我的位置，committee才开会确定，让我极度不爽。一般面试都是几乎差不多才打电话，committee还没开会面个什么劲儿。这月family plan又快用光了。这个学校的申请界面也很烦人，而且竟然还要让我写三个essay。我懒的理，就寄个ps过去。

另：这个学校的三个中国教授都是理工科出身，所以我猜自己不会被喜欢。后来才知道，跟我联系的女教授很喜欢我，希望我能去，跟我联系的很勤，周日都随时回信。她做IPO比较牛，也是我喜欢的方向。但她不在committee，不能给我说太多话，最后只给我争取到了wl，她问我能不能拖住umn，我说不大可能。最后我和她都感觉很惋惜。不过PSU的水平和UMN也差不多，而且商学院的和econ的名气可能输于UMN。所以没什么太可惜的。

 

Purdue：这个学校的econ和finance在一个学院，很符合中国学校对经济学的认识。这个名字让我极度反感，我讨厌像宗教名字的学校。不过我们chair原来是那的professor，所以就申一下。purdue的水平还是很高的，就是没什么中国人，好像最近6年都没要中国人，再加上他们econ的人都会弄个finance的minor，搞的我挺不爽的。地理位置也不好。据说他们funding给的也不大好，似乎有恶名。

 

Washington U-seattle：名字觉得不牛，而且对语言考试要求比较多而烦。他们的学制是quater，program不错，但funding太少了，连他们自己都说他们缺钱。18k，这个数在金融phd里是抬不起头的。

 

第三档之后：

U Pitt：这个学校的商学院很一般，不过占了地理位置的优势。我一直想申个大城市的学校，觉得转industry容易，不过大城市的学校都太牛

，够不到。NYC不行，chicago不行，LA不行，费城不行，boston也是不行。Pitt的cmu不行，不过有个这么个学校，值得试试。学生里没有中国人，据director说是因为几个土耳其教授的存在。job market上的人水平也一般，竟然有个把stata好意思放在sofeware skill第二个的人。

placement比较差，没去工业界的，有几个去前50的，但大多数都去的100名开外的。这个面试是我给director打的，director自己不是很自信

，跟我一直讲金融phd美好的未来前景，讲他们struggling good placement。给了offer估计也不会去，早知省70多美元了。最后他们把我放到wl上，我直接就据了。

 

GATECH：自己申自己总是容易的。但我挺不喜欢南方，而且有个U pitt毕业的教授，让我感觉它连U pitt都不如。不过凭心而讲，tech的商学院发展还是很快的。mba排名升到了前三十，很不容易。作为世界500强headquarter最多的城市之一，tech在atlanta发展商学院是非常便利的，从这点上看，它比同在南方的duke和unc要强。虽然跟emory一起，但不输于对方，看好tech的发展。能留在tech其实也是个不错的选择。

 

Tulane：如果申肯定能去，我是这么感觉，他们econ原来的chair可以给我写封不错的推荐信。不过这个学校被水淹了之后连网页都建不起来，全是纸申，而且还要暑假开始。算了吧。

 

MSU：今年不要人。

UGA：从tech到UGA是一种倒退，不过他们商学院在南方还不错。

GSU：同上，今年要了若干中国人，他们是rolling的录取，面一批，发一批，让拿offer的立即回复，若有据，则接着面，搞第二批。今年目前搞到第三批了，不知道能来多少。

 

其他加州的学校没看，其他名字怪异的没看，综合排名不好的没看。不是research orientated的人，自己不会研究每个学校的research如何，

不过更多的原因是研究完了也没用，自己没有牛到可以挑学校的地步。

 

推荐信：

除了牛校的牛人，或是社会的名人，或是跟申请学校有关的人，推荐信所能起到的最好作用也就是不hurt你。申请finance最好弄几个math，

business教授的信。教授对你的rating起很大作用。我一直耿耿于有些教授可能没有把我rate到最好。真怀念在中国自己makeup推荐信的日子。

另：推荐信不hurt你是对finance申请的最低要求，作为business领域里竞争最激烈的一个，你的申请人在finance领域的network有时显得很重要，大家都差不多的情况下就是看谁的推荐人跟你申请的学校熟。很可惜我没找EUN写，他是tech金融里最牛的一个。Econ的推荐信是很好的，但econ的professor一般在finance没什么network，我这次三封econ算是让我倒了大霉。finance的竞争太激烈，输了一个环节就容易全输。

PS:

别出语法错误，别太过俗套，但如果你没有特别出色的东西（奥赛或是赢过什么大奖之类），这个东西也是没有什么用。

 

另：金融申请越来越激烈，特别是今年美国形式不好，更多的中国人申请。比5年前，中国申请者的背景要强多了，越来越overqualify。不过么每个项目要diversify，最后中国人还是要跟中国人争。一个外国傻b可以去的学校，一个牛b中国人去不了。这就是finance phd的价值所在。

 

 

Sharapova比我小四岁，17岁时温网夺冠。夺冠后sharapova的名字进了WIKI。
我十七岁时，刚从一个大多数毕业生都没什么前途的初中毕业，跟大多数都没什么前途的同学读一个高中。
记得千僖年的晚上还傻了吧唧的去古文化街凑热闹。从小被应试惯了，都高一了还没什么见识。

一个人名字进入WIKI的概率，大抵是个Normal分布的curve，center可能在30左右，以后年龄越大进去的概率越小。
幸好我还在向curve中心前进的过程中。

 

Britney比我大两岁，18岁时出的第一专辑baby one more time，全世界卖了2500万张，同名单曲被滚石评为
"100 Greatest Pop Songs of all time"。
我十八岁时，顺利读了高二。现在想想如果当时因为过于聪明而退学或是留在高一，说不定我开的煎饼果子铺
之类早已把连锁开在美国。不过历史还是让我选择读了高二，因为这样我就可以有充分的理由读高三。
对于所有处于高二年龄群的人，中国社会给予评价最高的大概就是学科竞赛得奖的，和一些练体操，跳水的。
现在看来，前者中的大多数无非是做faculty的料，但大多数faculty职位又是很无聊的而且又太平凡；
后者在世界范围来看，可以毫不谦虚的说是边缘运动的佼佼者。所以现在想想，不光我没有出头，大多数我的同龄
人也没有出头。这大概也是天津三绝没有走出亚洲的一个原因。

 

我space点击最多的一篇文章，是我大二时上一门课交的期末论文，论李约瑟问题。本来是个很boring的东西，
可惜类似的课在全国范围开的很多，所以每当期末时，我的文章总是被baidu或是google搜到。李约瑟很奇怪
为什么中国在历史上科技如此的发达，而近代却又如此的落后。我很奇怪为什么中国现代如此崇尚能当faculty
的年轻人，而中国除中医和水稻外的学术水平却又如此落后。

 

按照我现在这个年龄，唯一可以安慰自己的是当国家主席还是有希望的，或是进常委之类。毕竟那些人大多六十
以上。努力吧。

学生enrollment增加了两倍，enroll经济系课程的一点没增加

想当年zz时，大家都是老实的上经济系的课，经济系的课大约总是能凑足10个人

现在大伙都往isye和managment跑

不过还是klimenko说的好，经济系最大的任务是为georgia州produce更多的毕业生，至于他们去哪就无所谓了

忽然发现去年因为锁在屋外而无聊写的2006年流水帐，所以感到有必要写个2007的；

毕竟又凭白过了300多天，除去吃饭睡觉和包括做饭在内各种方式的kill time，似乎还有几十天值得写

可想来想去我的2007就像Atlanta一样平淡无奇，感觉浪费了自己一年的生命。

春天秋天上了10门课，夏天弄个了车和gmat，Atlanta没冬季，所以一年就这么过来了，

什么重要的事情都没干，最没成就感的一年。

和国内赚钱的或找实习工作的或考cfa的或有机会经常大块朵颐的同学相比，我过的压抑而平淡，而且不小资

生活缺乏能让我兴奋的目标，几门课和傻逼的research搞的我诚惶诚恐且无暇顾及其他

无论是搞phd还是找工作，现在的课和research都用处不大，没兴趣却要必须得个A，这是专属我的讽刺

从积极的角度看这也许算是一种蛰伏，不过真的没看见自己什么长进

今天吃饭时随手翻出一张废纸垫锅，原来是份开多了的成绩单，

与去年相比多了10个A，这大抵就是我一年的收获了。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 A couple of weeks ago, I made jokes with the Miss Teen in South Carolina.

Several weeks later, my research job turns out to be "searching maps", and I also got a free T-shirt coz I was pictured when I was reading a map.

 

2 University of Alabama keeps sending me emails to advertise their business school and invite me to apply for their PhD program-- though MIT, Stanford and Cornell etc. also did that, they just send one email to recommend their expensive MBA programs--so it provides me a chance to tease them that they are short of applicants or they just wanna collect more application fee to relax their budget. The thing became sarcastic when I got an official MAIL from the PhD director in Stern of NYU. I am doubting that the Stern lacks either for superior PhD applicants or financial donation. Anyway their finance program didnt enroll any Asian face in recent three years, though a Nankai-er was ever there ten years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

今天考gmat的之前的经历就告诉考试会不顺

先是早上10点多就醒了，比平时早两个小时

中午蒸米饭等半天不熟，发现没查电源

坐地铁多坐了6站 

下了地铁进错了building的lobby

傻了吧唧的黑女人说我签证过期不能考

一进屋发现atlanta的考场里竟然三分之二是中国面孔

数学提前20多分钟，语文提前10多分钟

我估计自己语文在35到41之间，

最后果然倒霉的考了个下限

gmat真是消耗的生命却没什么用的东西

浪费金钱，生命无趣

所以考前一个星期开始看鹿鼎记，

可是最后几章写的挺无聊，

所以考试前几个小时又开始看了看gmat

 

很sb的中国人都可以考700＋，就是个次数问题

不过考好了有能怎样

多半还是听不懂结帐时黑人大妈嘴里嘟囔的几句

还是听见美国人乱侃时假装笑一笑

中国人也就会考几门试，

不过世上有章可循的事情是最简单的

任何考试，考研，四六级，toefl，gre，gmat，cfa，frm，cpa～～

无非是一摞书，一个人，一张桌子三个月

可是考好了竟然觉得自己很了不起

只是忘记了很多很了不起的人不用没考这些

所以考试好的人多半只能给不屑考试的人打工

然后再别人面前炫耀的表一表“我上次面的那个投行～～”

 

当人们说杀g杀t之类的话时，不知道是谁强奸的谁。

 

 

 

早4点，开始睡觉

早8点, 听见室友couple的欢笑

早10点，徘徊，起与不起

早11点，起

早11点20分，等了一个近15分钟的红灯

早11点45分，参加一个教授学生互相糟蹋的meeting

早12点20分，会议结束，焦虑最后两个学期的funding，并整天焦虑中

中午12点45分，到家，吃饭

下午1点30分，睡觉，睡前喝了咖啡

下午2点40分，一直没睡着

下午3点，去学校，gmat

不知几点，gmat疲劳，浏览mit，看到一些人说fresh ms回国去投咨工作大约20多万起薪，或更多，窃喜一会儿

晚上7点半，窃喜毕，接着gmat

晚上9点，workout

晚上10点，淋漓中浏览CD，接着gmat，屏杂着焦虑与窃喜，习惯性yy

早上3点，开车回家，琢磨1 gallon开几mile的问题。

到家，如约错过洗澡时间

感到时光荏苒，三天了

明天一定记得换内裤

 

  

 

 

现在的经管小孩，越来越aggressive了，各个雄心壮志

奋斗，不惜代价的追求

GMAT,TOEFL,BEC, CFA, ACCA, CPA, FRM~~~~~~

然后是出国，名企，MBA～

很多追求的不是自己的理想，只是追求别人的羡慕

不过说回来，我觉得真正的牛人反而很少有幸福的

倒是放牛的小孩可能幸福感更强一些。

比，是万恶之源。

或是我太老了～

 

 

 

先是看的Volvo s80，然后是韩国现代XG300L，最后退缩到三菱Galant，

先日本着猥琐几年再说吧

谁需要CARFAX给我发信

金融数学是一门应用性极强的学科,其特殊之处在于,与许多其他应用学科如生物相比,它的难度更类似于数学物理,
而另一方面,它的应用性可以和engineering相提并论,因为好的结果必须是"有利可图"的,you may cheat a Journal, but you cannot cheat the Market...而更加独特的是,它要求一个人有极其博杂的知识,所以一份好的书单很重要

大体而言,所需要的知识分为三类
1.数量
2.经济金融
3.编程,这方面我比较弱,至今还算不上professional programmer:)大致上来说,一个人

需要吃透如下LEVEL的书籍:

1.Thinking in C++ Vol 1 & 2
2.The C++ Programming Language
另外,还需要data structure & alogrithms的知识
好在编程高手尽多,这方面也不太需要我业余的意见,呵呵

现在我列一下数量方面的书单
1.概率论

很不幸的事实是,概率论基本上没有好的中文教材(1998之前,之后我就不清楚了)

Ross的书适合本科和硕士生,胜在例子详尽
Billingsley的概率论和弱收敛的两本教材是非常好的入门书
chung的概率论教材很严格,读起干巴巴的来会有点累,不过是真长工夫的密籍
Durrett的书很流行,不过里面的小错误很多
如果你真的想理解概率论,feller的两本书是不可不读的,可以说,从高中水平到博士以上

学位的读者,都会从中获益
---如果要推选概率论里面最有影响的教材,feller的书无可比拟,不过读时要一路自己
算,feller书里面错误非常多
,虽然都显然是笔误
Breiman的书也是经典,概率味比chung的浓
loeve的书可以作为工具书使用

2.随机分析
黄志远的随机分析入门是一本很好的书
严加安的鞅论可以做工具书用
Ross的Inrto to probability model可以做本科生随机过程入门,例子很多
Karlin & Taylor的两本书非常适合硕士生用
resnick的几本书概率味很不错,应用性也很强
oksendal的书是SDE里面最简单的
Karatzas Shreve有好几本书,金融数学的博士不可不读
Revuz Yor的连续鞅是很好的书
Protter的书是严格随机分析里面最容易读的,文笔很好
williams的书深入浅出,入门很合适
Chung Williams的书比oksendal稍微难一点,作为应用随机分析的标准教材很不错

3-控制论

控制论在portfolio selection problem和risk management里面有很多的应用,optimal

stopping在美式derivativ
e非常重要
金融数学里面用的主要是随机控制,和粘性解(因为operator is often degenerate)

经典的随机控制书是

1.FLEMING and RISHEL, (1975) Deterministic and Stochastic Optimal Control.
2.KRYLOV, (1980) Controlled diffusion processes
3.BORKAR, (1989) Optimal control of diffusion processes.
4.BENSOUSSAN and LIONS, (1982) Controle Impulsionnel et Inequations
Variationnelles

粘性解的标准文献是
1. Crandall, Ishii and Lions, User''s guide to viscosity solutions of second

order partial different
ial equations, Bull. Amer. Math. Soc. 27 (1992),
2.Fleming and Soner, Controlled Markov Processes and Viscosity Solutions,
1992.

4.数值算法

首先,finite difference是极其常用的算法,这方面书籍很多,比如Ames的经典教材
计算矩阵: Golub and Van Loan, Matrix Computations, 1996
Kushner and Dupuis, Numerical Methods for Stochastic Control Problems in
Continuous Time, 1992. Kush
ner''s Markov chain approximation method是控制论里最有用的算法
ROGERS and TALAY, Numerical Methods in Financial Mathematics. 1997.论文集
Kloeden and Platen, Numerical Solution of Stochastic Differential Equations,

1997. 偏理论,实用性差一
点
Glasserman, Monte Carlo Methods in Financial Engineering, 2003这本书非常非常

实用,可以说是金融数学数值
算法的最新经典

5-时间序列
当然,学习时间序列之前,统计特别是多变量统计要先学好:)

A Guide to Econometrics: by Peter Kennedy可能是最通俗易懂的入门书
Econometric Analysis,by William H. Greene和Time Series Analysis by James
Douglas Hamilton是非常标准的
教材,许多学校都在用
Box Jerkins的Time Series Analysis: Forecasting & Control,当之无愧的经典
Time Series and Dynamic Models by Christian Gourieroux,Gourieroux写了许多书,

但似乎他的书不如他的研究
文章水准高
The Econometrics of Financial Markets,by John Y. Campbell, Andrew W. Lo, A.

Craig MacKinlay,新经典

现在我们来看一下经济金融方面的书单

首先要强调,金融不是经济,经济考虑的是国计民生,环球宇宙之类的大问题,而金融考虑

的是money making, risk c
ontrol之类的充满铜臭味的小问题

当然,经济背景也是需要的,比如说
Varian: Microeconomic Analysis(1992)
Samuelson: Economics
如果有时间,最有价值的书大概是Keynes的general principle,
看的时候的感觉会跟第一次学微积分差不多:)

现在我们进入金融书单
1.理论金融

Merton: Continuous time finance
Huang Litzenberger: Foundation for financial economics
Ingersoll: Theorey of financial decision making
Ross: Neoclassical Finance
Ross, Westerfield, Jaffe: Corporate Finance
Duffie: security market
Duffie: Dynamic Asset Pricing Theory
当然,金融文献浩如烟海,上面的书单是针对ASSET PRICING一块的,因为这一块最为定量

化.至于做underwriting, M
&A,一般不是很需要数量出身的人,至少到目前为止:)

2.入门和综合类

然后就要开始看一些实际的入门书了
Hull, Options, Futures and Other Derivatives
Baxter and Rennie, Financial Calculus
Shreve:Stochastic Calculus Models for Finance vol 1 & 2
Wilmott: quantitative finance
然后
Bjork: Arbitrage theory in continuous time
Cvitanic, Zapatero: Introduction to the economics and mathematics of
financial markets
Elliott, Kopp: Mathematics of Financial markets
Karatzas Shreve: Method of math finance
Musiela and Rutkowski: martingale method for finance
Bielecki, Rutkowski: Credit Risk : Modeling , Valuation and Hedging
Duffie Singleton: Credit Risk
Amman: Credit risk valuation
Taleb:Dynamic Hedging

3. Fixed income
Tuckman: Fixed Income Securities: Tools for Today''s Markets是入门的最佳选择


然后,就不得不面对Fabozzi的无数厚书乐:)
Fixed Income Mathematics
Fixed Income Securities
Bond Markets : Analysis and Strategies
The Handbook of Fixed Income Securities,
Handbook of Mortgage Backed Securities
Collateralized Debt Obligations: Structures and Analysis
Interest Rate, Term Structure, and Valuation Modeling

Jessica James, Nick Webber Interest Rate Modelling: Financial Engineering,这

本书乱而全
Brigo, Mercurio:Interest Rate Models 数学上难一些
Tavakoli: Collateralized Debt Obligations and Structured Finance
Tavakoli: Credit Derivatives & Synthetic Structures: A Guide to Instruments

and Applications
Hayre: Salomon Smith Barney Guide to Mortgage-Backed and Asset-Backed
Securities

4:其他类
Rebonato有几本很好的书:
Volatility and Correlation : The Perfect Hedger and the Fox
Modern Pricing of Interest-Rate Derivatives : The LIBOR Market Model and
Beyond
Interest-Rate Option Models : Understanding, Analysing and Using Models for

Exotic Interest-Rate Opt
ions

Sch?nbucher:Credit Derivatives Pricing Models: Model, Pricing and
Implementation写得很乱但是无可替代

GENCAY: An Introduction to High-Frequency Finance第一本关于high frequency的书

O''Hara:Market Microstructure Theory
Harris:Trading and Exchanges: Market Microstructure for Practitioners